Forgiveness is a Clear Command
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32
1. Pray (Matthew 5:44)
This is twofold. Lift up your own heart to God, talk to Him about your hurting heart and any difficulty you’re facing in offering forgiveness. Ask for help. We are told directly to pray for the offender.
2. Love and do good to the offender (Romans 12:9)
Neutrality is not enough here. Instead, we are to offer love sincerely. This is hard stuff. This step usually gets thrown out the window because we don’t feel sincere or genuine (more on that later). Obedience doesn’t require feeling like it.
3. Don’t speak poorly of the offender (Romans 12:14)
As the old adage goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Speaking poorly of someone is a great way to get the anger churning, which leads to bitterness and resentment. This is not to say you can’t speak to a trusted friend, but the focus would be more about your feelings, responses and struggles rather than tearing someone else down (more on that here).
4. Release them from your punishment (Romans 12:17-19)
Punishment? How am I punishing them? This may not apply to an offender who is not in close proximity, however, typically an offense that we’re struggling to forgive is in a relationship close to home. And the punishment I’m talking about usually looks like the silent treatment, withholding affection, and keeping the offender at arm’s length, etc.
5. Don’t celebrate their failures (Proverbs 24:17)
This means refrain from gloating, saying, “I told you so” or having a mindset of, “That’s what you get”.
6. Treat them the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31)
Breathe this one in for a moment. When I mess up I want grace and I want a second chance. Am I willing to offer this to others when I get hurt?
7. Stop dwelling on the past (how to here) (Isaiah 43:18)
So often people say, “But I can’t forget what happened”. I get that. I wish I could hit delete on a few old hurts and never remember them again. Dwelling is different from remembering. Dwelling literally means a place you live. Do you spend your time turning an old hurt over and over in your mind? Accept that forgetting isn’t an option, but dwelling on that old hurt is a choice. Choose to replace those thoughts with new ones. Resolve to stop bringing up the past and focus on today (Philippians 4:13-14).
Forgiveness is a Clear Command
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32
We are to forgive because God has forgiven us…not for any other reason. Not because the offender apologized, promised to never do it again or because we feel like it. We’ve been forgiven much and our call is to forgive much. It is also important to keep in mind, when we know our calling and choose not to do it…it’s sin (James 1:22-25). But when we choose to obey, even though it’s hard, we reap blessings (John 13:17).